ikin’s life

Sekarang dah masuk Week 4 of my study week..Ikin dah makin
sibuk dgn baca2 journal.. Bila baca journal ni, ikin rasa mcm otak ikin ni
berputar sikit.. Sebab the findings in the journal mcm putar belit alam.. kejap
dia kata ada relationship within those variables, and kejap kata tak.. nak
faham bahasa sastera diorang pun satu hal jugak.. haiseyyyy.. I’m dead.. =(
ikin ni suka benda straight forward.. kalau yes, ckp yes.. ni, cakap yes..but,
there is a limitation… herm, mmg semua benda kat dunia ni ada exception kan???

 
Ikin rasa ikin mmg sgt sederhana dlm study ikin.. Masa spm
dulu, ikin menangis2 masa dapat result ikin, sebab result ikin just average..
and masa Alevels pun mcm tu jugak.. Ikin mcm tak bersyukur dgn apa yg ikin dpt
sebab apa yg ikin selalu inginkan for my future selalunya tak dapat.. Tapi,
ikin silap.. Allah ada agenda Dia yg sendiri.. Masa ikin tak dapat Cardiff University, ikin hampir2 putus asa nak
belajar, sebab iyerlah, dah usaha penat2, last2 tak dapat.. and Allah rupanya
nak bagi ikin tempat lain yg environmentnya lebih baik.. sebab apa yg manusia
fikirkan tak leh nak tandingi dgn pengetahuan Allah.. and, ikin masuk University of Bradford.. Ikin masuk ke sini pun sebab
ada accredation from EQUIS..EQUIS is the leading international system of
quality assessment, improvement, and accreditation of higher education institutions
in management and business administration. And, masa ikin nak dtg sini, semua
org ckp ikin nak pergi pekan Karachi kat Bradford.. takperla ikin ckp dlm hati. Only Allah knows
why he give me this.. So, bermulalah my first year in 2004. During that time, I
was just turned to 19. Immature, very shy and even could not cook.. hampeh la
time tu bab2 memasak ni=p.. and, masa tu, ikin tak faham system university.
Trying to adapt with some culture shock.. mcm bygkanlah manalah ada air dalam
tandas, tak der tempat sembahyang. But, on the same time, I’ve learnt, how to
tackle problem and solve the problem spontaneously.. Macam takder tempat sembahyang
yer.. takperla, cari port2 org tak lalu lalang, and solatlah kat situ.. duduk
kat sini, taught me one thing, how to survive.. and, Ikin bukanlah seorang yg
perfect.. tak tahu kat mana salah silapnya or mungkin harga sewa rumah quite
expensive, my housemates decide to move out and I have to stay kat rumah sewa
tu alone.. masa time tu, Allah sahaja yg tahu hati ikin mcm mana.. sebab baru
trying to adapt with the study and life kat sini not even a month, Allah ambil
balik nikmat ikin i.e. tinggal bersama housemates.. nak tak nak, ikin pun
terpaksa tinggal seorang diri.. sedih memangla sedih.. but, nak buat mcm mana kan? And, ada jugak yg
lemparkan tuduhan kat ikin dgn kata2 kesat, and sampai ikin tak der keyakinan
dlm diri.. and, ikin mmg jenis pemalu, susah nak bercampur dgn org..bukannya
ikin memilih, but mmg ikin tak reti bersosial unless kalau dah kenal lama..

 And, masa time tu, ramai keluarga PHD concern about ikin..
but, masa tu, ikin kata, takper, ikin boleh duduk seorang diri kat rumah, bygkanlah
umah 3 tingkat, but, ikin ckp, ikin akn bertawakal.. bukannya ikin ni nak
tunjuk ikin berani, but, kalau boleh, ikin tak nak menyusahkan org lain.. and
bermula dr situlah, ikin kenal ramai kaum2 ibu.. sebab kalau tak, ikin hanya
kenal undergrad jer.. mungkin itu adalah hikmahnya..seronok bersembang dgn
kaum2 ibu ni.. bab2 resepi, memasak, jaga anak2 and hal ehwal semasa.. and,
masa tu, Aunty Fauziah and Uncle Azman (dua2 lecturer UPM yg dah balik Msia) yg
selalu concern about ikin.. selalu htrkan lauk, kuih muih and melayan ikin mcm
anak2 dia.. it such a miracle sebab ikin tak der pertalian darah pun dgn
keluarga aunty.. ada jugak aunty2 lain yg baik dgn ikin, tapi time tu aunty
shima ,aunty saudah and aunty faridah semuanya tgh pulun dgn phd..

Because of that, ikin kena stand on my own feet.. pergi
lecture sorang2, kejar bus sorang2, and masa time tu ikin hanya rapat dgn kak
wan dan kak ain.. kalau ada problem, ikin akn cite kat diorang..biasanya kak
wan yg selalu akn tolong ikin sebab ikin fhm kak ain sibuk dgn final year
project.. Masa second year, rapat dgn kak siti.. Kak Siti and Kak Wan mcm
kakak2 yg ‘ betul’ walaupun tak der pertalian darah.. tak pernah berkira..
anytime you need help, just buzz them.. 24/7.. teringat lagi masa dulu, kak
siti tepon ikin ckp ada cite best kat cinema.. ikin tanyala, cite apa? Cite hantu..
gulppp.. cite hantu??.. kalau Scobby dobby do tu bolehla.. takpun casper.. ni cite hantu??sebab
kesian dgr tone suara kak siti, Ikin pun temankanlah.. ikin mmg cepat kesian
kat org, and kalau boleh tak nak tgk org lain sedih/ kecewa… kesian kak siti
tak leh concentrate tgk cite hantu.. dok kena melayan kerenah ikin dlm cinema..
bila nampak hantu kat screen, ikin dok menyorok belakang badan dia, tak cukup
tutup muka ikin dgn tudung yg ikin pakai, siap pinjam bucu tudung kak siti lagi,
and sibuk tanya, hantu tu dah hilang dah ker belum? Taubat la nak gi lagi tgk
cite hantu.. bentang red carpet pun tak nak pergi..

kat school of management, ada 2 org Melayu undergrad..
mungkin tak sefahaman, ikin lebih rapat2 dgn org2 from Africa..
ikin kenal diaorang pun sebab diorang senyum kat ikin, and ikin senyum kat
diorang balik.. Tak sangka from satu senyuman, terjalin sebuah persahabatan..
ni kawan perempuan la.. jgn fikir apa2la.. diorang semuanya baik and pandai2..
masa ikin first year, ikin ada personal tutor.. and, dia suruh ikin jadi
student representative for Accounting and Finance Student.kalau university kat Malaysia use
term badan perwakilan pelajar.. tak sangka ikin hold that position sampai
skrg..and, bermula sejak tu, rasa shy and tak confident dah makin hilang..
tapi, still malu bertempat.. kalau ada issue2 yg kawan2 ikin mintakan ikin
raise dlm meeting, ikin tak takut nak jumpa dgn dean sekolah and bincang dgn
dia andcuba cari solution to solve the problem. Sampaikan kalau terserempak
dean tu kat tgh jalan, dia yg tegur ikin.. And, kalau ada university open day,
ikin dipilih utk mewakili pelajar utk menyambut2 visitor and applicants.. sape
sangka ikin yg pemalu and tak banyak ckp dah berubah mengikut waktu.. People do
change kan?

 Masa ikin first year, ikin masuk peer assisted learning
(PAL) scheme under Effective Learning Services.. scheme ini mcm ada 3^rd
year undergraduate student yg jadi mentor ikin and try to assist me in my
study.. Nama org tu Shilo.. Dia baik sgt.. And, skrg, ikin pulak jadi mentor
utk adik 1^st yr student.. mcm payback time pulak la kan?

 Ikin pun masuk Homelink Scheme under university programme..
Macam berkenalan dgn local people and learn about their values and cultures..
sedikit sebanyak ikin boleh faham budaya hidup masyarakat kat sini..

 Masa ikin first year jugak, ikin attend English Support Class
for writing skill.. utk enhance skill for writing.. and free.. biasala, org
melayu, kalau dgr free, seronok sgt.. =) ikin masuk kelas tu pun sebab
kebetulan ikin free and tak der kelas time tu..

Masa mula2 nak pilih masuk university2 kat uk, ikin kena
baca brochure university mcm seakan2 magazine yg hardcover sebab nak tahu background of the university and selalu
nampak section about student profile.. and, tak der pun org Malaysia yg
masuk dlm brochure..tak sangka pulak, Allah bagi rezeki kat ikin.. ikin
terpilih utk masuk dlm brochure and there will be a section a student profile
about me..ada undergraduate officer pass my name to marketing team =) akhirnya,
org Malaysia
masuk dalam brochure.. Malaysia
boleh!!! Alhamdulilah.. soalan2 dia tanya, kenapa ikin pilih Bradford?
Ikin pun dah lupa.. terpaksala buat research balik kenapa itu, kenapa ini.. adik
faiz kata nanti bila org baca brochure tgk muka ikin dlm student profile, terus
diaorang cancel  nak masuk School of Management.. hampeh betul..=p sebab iyerlah, muka ikin bukannya attractive..
Yg tergelaknya, ada jugak photo session for the student profile.. ikin hrp
jgnlah org perceive me in different way i.e. ‘berianya’ budak ni.. nak menunjuk
la tu..’ ikin just nak share my happiness and ikin sedar semua ni Allah yg
bagi.. Kalau Allah tak bagi, semuanya ni ikin tak dapat.. Sekurang2nya ikin
tahu, Allah dah tunjukkan hikmahnya kenapa ikin belajar kat sini.. Rasa mcm ‘pembaziran
air mata’ jer masa tak dapat masuk Cardiff
University. mmg dulu
frust menonggeng la..

 Di sebalik semua ni, ikin risau jugak result ikin yg akan
keluar next week.. takutnya kalau fail.. sebab kalau tgk marking system kat
sini, ada external examiner yg akan menyemak jugak.. susah nak score.. and, ikin
berserah semuanya kat Allah