ikin’s life

Ramai org tak percaya yg Ikin pernah menghidap sakit kanser masa kecik dulu.For me, I’ve learnt erti bersyukur masa umur 11 years and half after I’ve been diagnosed cancer T-Cell Lymphoma (as attached.boleh besarkan gambar if you click on the pic).. I did not expected to get this type of cancer during that time as I only have batuk yg berpanjangan and high fever yg tak kebah2 for nearly two weeks..Ikin kena transfer frm Ipoh Specialist Centre (ISC) by ambulance to University Hospital, KL.. I’ve been warded in ICU kat University Hospital, KL for a few days after Ikin pengsan kat rumah kat Ipoh.. Nobody told me that I’ve been diagnosed cancer masa mula2 masuk ward.. Ikin tgk org sekiling ikin semuanya rambut botak.. and after Ikin kena chemo, terus selera makan mati and during at the same time, ada org tua asked me tak boleh makan ayam and daging.. boleh makan ikan je.. after kena cancer, nearly 3 years Ikin tak makan pulut and durian especially my favourite food lemang and ketupat pulut.. After Hemoglobin ikin jatuh sampai 5.0, which is at very critical level, sebab kalau normal person, the hemoglobin is around 12-15, the doctor decided to give me blood  from the blood donor.. My darah O+ve which is very limited and it takes me about 8 hours to transfer the blood to my body sebab other darah mcm A kejap jer, 4 jam dah siap.. Sepanjang Ikin sakit kanser, Ikin ditempatkan di ward paeds/ ward kanak2 .. Sampai skrg ni, kalau medical check up, Ikin kena masuk ward kanak2.. and the doctor advise me not to donate my blood , sebab takut my blood ada toxic ad chemical becoz of the chemo..Sejak sakit cancer, hospital dah jadi rumah kedua ikin.. kalau ikin sakit dulu, ikin akan mengadu kat mama, ‘mama, ikin sakit..’ mama selalu yg tenangkan ikin cakap, sabar yer.. sakit dia kekadang datang mcm tu.. from pening yg sampai ikin tak larat angkat kepala, badan jadi very lemah..

Actually, there is no cure for cancer.. Just nak panjangkan umur that person jer.. Macam 2-3 years after been diagnosed.. Because penyakit ni boleh dtg balik bila2 masa.. Ikin don’t mind to underwent the treatment, makan berbelas2 biji ubat, masuk kimoterapi, ambil air tulang belakang, ambil darah every 2-3 days, rambut gugur sampai jadi botak, muka jadi sembab( sebab side effect ubat).. Cuma, Ikin tak suka side effects dia, mcm muntah2, tak boleh pergi sekolah, tak boleh bergerak aktif.. And masa Ikin sakit kanser, nenek kesayangan Ikin, pulang ke rahmatullah.. Ikin rasa mama yg amat tertekan sebab kehilangan emak and anak dia pulak sakit.. Muka ikin jadi bengkak sebab makan ubat steroid yg naikkan selera makan.. Berat badan ikin bertambah but bukan sebab sihat, tapi sebab ubat.. Ikin amat bersyukur to Allah sebab dikurniakan parents yg very supportive and ayah angkat(ustaz mustafa) yg banyak beri bantuan..sebab without them, I don’t think I will be alive until now.. Pernah sampai satu tahap, Ikin rasa sakit yg amat sangat, sebab setiap saluran darah Ikin rasa mcm tercucuk dgn jarum and pedih sangat, and Ikin cakap yg lebih baik Ikin mati.. Ikin rasa terseksa sangat lepas doktor bagi ubat.. Ikin dah patah semangat utk hidup and during that time, Ikin just berdoa dalam hati, "Ya Allah, just ambiljer nyawa ni" as I could not stand the pain.. During that time, Ikin rasa benci sgt kat doktor and nurse sebab asyik cucuk ikin sampai dah tak de tempat nak cucuk, and cucuk kat kaki.. Ikin kena berkerusi roda wherever I go.. And yg paling Ikin tak suka, bila doktor cakap, Ikin jangan ambil UPSR.. sebab diorang takut Ikin akan pressure.. Ikin kata, Ikin nak ambil juga sebab nanti Ikin akan malu sebab kawan2 ikin semuanya amik UPSR.. Ikin tak mula pergi sekolah since bulan April 1997 sampai habis akhir tahun, and Alhamdulilah, berkat doa mama dan ayah, bantuan Cikgu Zul and Puan Amimah yg bagi semangat kat Ikin, Ikin dpt 3A AND 2B.. ikin amik UPSR pun kat hospital besar Ipoh

Actually, tempat kanser tu very terlampau dalam anggota badan ikin, which is behind the chest bone ( belakang tulang dada) and the doctor said that they need to operate me and ask for my father and my signature.. Ikin just sign jer.. but the they decided to cancel sebab takut kalau tersentuh organ lain, and things will be gettin worst.. because ikin ingat lagi, doctor kata, percentage nak hidup ialah 50%…

the worst experience is ikin kena amik air tulang belakang (dekat bhgn tengah pinggang) to detect whether barah dah merebak atau tak ke otak.. Ikin kena buat without bius which is masa ikin sedar.. Ikin rasa sakit sangat time tu.. ada doktor pelatih cucuk ikin 4-5 times just nak amik air tulang belakang.. air mata ikin asyik tak putus2 mengalir and ikin tak jerit mcm budak2 lain.. ikin just bisik kat nurse yg pegang tangan ikin, ikin cakap’nurse, sakit…’.. nurse pulak akan lap air mata ikin, cakap sabarlah yer dik.. mama tak de time tu sebab ia dianggap as pembedahan kecil and Ikin kena masuk bilik khas.. ikin dah lali cucuk jarum kat tgn, untuk ambil darah, cuma ikin tak boleh tahan sakit bila ambil air tulang belakang. pernah sekali, ikin kehilangan air tulang belakang, sebab tak rest.. coz during that time is my semester exam, and ikin asyik ingat exam.. but then, esoknya after ikin resit for the exam, ikin rasa pening and muntah2.. sampaikan nak telan air milo pun tak boleh.. pastu terus kena masuk ward.. ikin selalu dinobatkan pelajar selalu tak hadir ke sekolah .. and, doktor paling risau, kalau Ikin tetiba demam panas, sebab one of the symptom is demam panas berpanjangan.. tapi, Alhamdulilah, berkat dorongan mama and ayah, ikin dapat jadi pelajar terbaik untuk kelas ikin masa Form 2.. and ikin rasa kanser is not penghalang untuk ikin jadi aktif.. Ikin pernah kejap jadi pengawas pusat sumber masa form 2, and dilantik oleh kawan2 masa form 2 jadi penolong ketua tingkatan.. Ikin divote oleh kawan2 ikin..Masa form 3 pulak, dapat jadi pengawas sekolah..

Biasanya, every year, ada Sunshine Camp yg dianjurkan utk pesakit kanser.. Kat sana, barulah ikin rasa yg ikin bernasib baik sebab ada yg kehilangan kaki and mata sebab kena kanser tulang and kanser mata.. And , ada kawan2 ikin after jumpa kat camp tu , yg meninggal dunia sebab penyakit tu (kanser).. cuma frm pemerhatian ikin, ramai pesakit kanser ni hilang semangat utk belajar sebab banyak kena ponteng kelas sebab sakit and ketinggalan banyak dalam pelajaran.. Ikin pun mcm tu jugak.. dalam satu tahun tu, dekat 40 hari tak dtg kelas sebab sakit.. ikin hanya revise sendiri and tanya kawan2 and cikgu kalau tak faham.. Alhamdulilah, berkat dorongan keluarga and kawan2, ikin dapat juga masuk university kat UK..Actually, kalau kita kemahuan, kita akan berusaha untuk berjaya.. For me, in life, mesti ada cabaran and ujian drpd Allah.. Kita tak boleh saban hari menangis.. Kita kena cuba usaha sampai ke titisan darah terakhir..

Actually, kita tak sedar, yg sebenarnya banyak rahmat yg Allah kita bagi..For example, anggota badan yg sihat and family yg caring and penyayang.. Kita akan merasa bersyukur only if kalau kita tgk org lain yg hidup susah drpd kita.. For example: cacat anggota badan, and tgk kalau rakan sebaya kita kekurangan kasih sayang and hidup dia tercicir..

Sepanjang Ikin sakit kanser, ramai yg dah pergi.. Ada satu adik tu, mcm ikin tgk babak drama, sebab doktor kata dah tak boleh diubati.. Makcik tu menangis tak henti2.. Akhirnya, Adik tu selamat menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya kat rumah.. Doktor bukannya tuhan.. Doktor hanya ikhtiarkan.. Memang kanser ni pembunuh.. tak tahu what is the actually the reason for cancer.. and, ikin takut juga, satu hari nanti.. my bakal suami tak boleh accept me because pernah sakit.